The Marriage I Never Had

From the time I was 22 until I turned 30, Brianna Everly and I had a wedding every year. The only thing we never had was a marriage certificate. She said she was afraid of marriage, terrified that we'd end up like her parents. So I gave her eight years to prepare herself—until our eighth wedding, when Brianna showed up in the wrong wedding dress. It looked just like the wedding dress she'd always worn for our ceremonies, except for one detail. The name embroidered along the neckline wasn't mine. It was my best friend, Leon Stratford's. I was about to confront Brianna when my brother, Dominic Sterling, grabbed my arm. "Harrison, it's been eight years. What's the point of digging into it now? Just pretend you never saw anything." I stared at him in disbelief. "Dominic, you knew all along?" He stiffened and glanced at all the family and friends gathered at the wedding. "I'm not the only one who knows. Everyone does too." I stood there stunned, unable to find my voice for a long moment. "Why? Why did Brianna hold a wedding with me every year for the past eight years?" Dominic explained with pity in his eyes, "Having a wedding every year was Leon's idea. Except for the wedding when they actually got legally married, every wedding after that was one Leon had, and you had one too." It turned out the marriage certificate I'd spent eight years waiting for had been given to someone else long ago. Worse, I was the last person to find out. Chapter 1 The Ninth Wedding I looked up and scanned everyone in the room. They laughed and joked as they surrounded Brianna and Leon, silently agreeing to keep the two of them at the center of attention. In the middle of the laughter, Brianna and Leon bumped into each other. She naturally reached up to straighten Leon's tie, and he gazed at her tenderly. Everyone watching wore the knowing, delighted smiles of people enjoying the sight of the two of them together. Before I could look any longer, Dominic pulled me into the dressing room, unable to bear it. "Enough, Harrison. Leon and Brianna knew each other first. They didn't tell you because they were afraid it would hurt you. We weren't deliberately keeping it from you. Besides, Leon doesn't mind. Why do you have to make such a big deal out of it?" My parents came in through the door a moment later. "Harrison, you're living in a multimillion-dollar house and enjoying the glory of being Brianna's husband. Leon and Brianna have already treated you well enough." I'd been the one who made the boutonnieres pinned to their chests. Mom. Dad. Brother. I'd written each word myself, carefully and neatly, never imagining how cruel those same words would look now. Seeing them there hurt worse than any wound. My eyes were red, but I couldn't make a sound. Dominic reached out to pat my shoulder the way he had when we were kids, but I backed away. When my parents moved toward me, I turned and ran out of the dressing room, colliding with Brianna. She steadied me and clasped my trembling hand. "Harrison, what's wrong?" I looked into her concerned eyes and spoke hoarsely. "Brianna, can we get our marriage certificate this year?" Her lips parted. She instinctively glanced back at Leon before shaking her head at me. "Harrison, a marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. Even without that document binding us—" "I understand." I cut her off, a chill sweeping through my entire body. To her, the real restraint wasn't the marriage certificate. It was me. Brianna seemed to realize something was wrong and tightened her grip on my hand. Her sleeve slid up, exposing her wrist. She had once tattooed my initials there and promised me, "Harrison, just like this tattoo, you'll always be a part of my life." Now, a watch completely covered it. It was the same watch I had helped Leon choose. At the time, he said that it was for someone important. I had been so oblivious that I'd even wished in silence for him to find happiness. When she noticed me looking, she quickly pulled her sleeve down, flustered as she tried to explain. I pretended I hadn't seen anything. Just like the previous seven times, I went through with the wedding. Only this time, I no longer waited with eager anticipation for Brianna to say, "Let's go get our marriage certificate." … When the wedding ended, Dominic and my parents all breathed a sigh of relief. Brianna had her driver take me home. Every year after our wedding, she disappeared for a week to recover from the stress it caused her. Time after time, I believed her. I understood her. I was even moved by the fact that she was willing to overcome her fear of marriage and have a wedding with me. Yet, when I saw that Leon had forgotten to block me from his social media, I finally realized how foolish I had been. The caption read, "My ninth wedding. Thank you, my dear Ms. Everly." Nine pictures. Different venues. Different wedding dresses. Different wedding rings. They were completely different from the eight weddings Brianna and I had held at the same hotel, in the same dress, with even the same group of guests. It wasn't that Brianna liked doing things the same way every time. She simply couldn't even be bothered to make an effort for me. I closed my eyes and slumped back in the seat, the pain making it hard to breathe. I yanked the wedding ring from my left ring finger and threw it out the window. The car stopped in front of the villa. … On my way upstairs, I passed the trash can on the first floor. A familiar patch of white caught my eye. I walked over. There, crumpled on top of the trash, was the custom wedding dress I'd spent a year's salary on and waited three months to get from a renowned designer. It was covered in spots of mold. I smiled faintly, then turned and went upstairs. I turned on my computer and pulled up the application page for an overseas violin ensemble. Then, I went through each step and submitted my application. Chapter 2 The Birthday That Didn't Matter Playing in an international violin ensemble had always been my dream. Starting at 22, I'd spent eight years waiting for a marriage certificate that had never really been mine. But now, at 30, I decided to stop waiting. My phone chimed. It was a message from Leon. Even through the screen, I could tell he was nervous. "Harrison, did you see my post?" Less than a second later, Brianna's message came through. "Harrison, I'm really sorry I can't come home to spend our wedding night with you. Are you okay there by yourself?" Their perfectly timed probing sat side by side on my screen, making the messages all the more painful to read. "I'm fine." "When are you coming back?" I sent the two messages separately. "Harrison, you know I need some time to calm down. I might not make it back for your birthday this year." "Harrison, I'm on a business trip this week. I've already mailed your birthday present. Is that okay?" They'd both missed my birthday every year for the first seven years. This year was no different. Then, I suddenly remembered something Leon once told me. He and Brianna had met on my birthday. So it wasn't that my birthday happened to fall at an inconvenient time. It was simply that, compared with the day they met, my birthday didn't matter. I calmly replied, "Okay." … Early the next morning, I received a reminder from Brianna. "Harrison, don't forget your checkup today. I won't be able to go with you, though." At the same time, I saw Leon's new post. It was a photo of a scraped finger. The caption read, "It was just a little scrape, but this silly girl insisted on taking me to the hospital. She's such a worrywart!" I scrolled past the comments filled with congratulations and envy. After a long while, I put my phone away and headed to the hospital. Three months earlier, Brianna and I had gone hiking together. Halfway up the mountain, she left without saying a word. I'd been so worried that I'd searched the entire mountain through the night. I ended up rolling down a slope and was eventually rescued by a search-and-rescue team. Looking back now, the only person who could have made her leave without even saying goodbye was Leon. She'd gone with me to every follow-up and checkup during the first two months. What she didn't know was that this time, I wasn't just getting my wound checked again. I was also getting the medical exam required to go abroad. … When I arrived at the building for overseas medical examinations, two people walked out of the hospital next door. It was Brianna and Leon. They hadn't noticed me at first, and their faces were glowing with happiness. "Brianna, I'm really going to be a dad? This feels like a dream." I froze where I stood, listening to their delighted cries. Brianna was too excited to speak. She could only nod again and again as she threw her arms around Leon. Leon reached out, intending to lift Brianna into the air and spin her around. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of me. He froze, and the smile vanished from his face. A moment later, she turned around and saw me. The color drained from her face. "Were you here all along, Harrison?" Chapter 3 Too Late "Is there something you don't want me to see?" Leon shook his head, startled. "Of course not, Harrison. Let me explain!" He reached for me in a panic. I shifted slightly to the side, and he stumbled forward, losing his balance. "Leon!" Brianna quickly caught him and steadied him, then turned to me furiously. "Harrison, what the hell are you doing? You know Leon has a heart condition. Why did you push him?" I met her furious gaze without explaining. It wouldn't matter. She wouldn't believe me anyway. He seemed to realize what had happened and grabbed my arm with an uneasy smile. "Stop. This is my fault. I lost my balance. Don't blame Harrison." Then, he looked at me. "Harrison, we were just saying that I'm going to be a father." "Who's the mother?" I asked Leon, but my eyes stayed on Brianna. The anger on Brianna's face vanished, and she avoided my gaze. "Obviously, Leon's girlfriend. I was just at the hospital for therapy to overcome my fear of marriage. I happened to run into Leon." Leon quickly chimed in. "That's right, Harrison. I didn't mean to hide the fact that I have a girlfriend. Don't be mad." I looked at their uneasy faces, then checked the time on my phone. "Don't worry about me. Anyway, I have a physical, so I should get going." They both froze, then visibly relaxed. Brianna belatedly hurried after me. "Harrison, I'll go with you." "It's fine." At my refusal, she instinctively glanced at Leon before nodding distractedly. "Okay, Harrison. Be careful." I watched her turn away almost immediately. Leon carefully supported her as he opened the car door for her. So they were even expecting a child together. I really had been a fool. … After the physical, I went home. There were barely any traces of Brianna in the house. It was the home she'd bought for us as our marital home, but the deed was in my name. Because she was afraid of marriage and hated feeling tied down, she didn't come home every day. She told me that except for the marriage certificate, she'd give me everything else that came with being married. She even introduced me as her husband to everyone she met. Whenever I was sick, she would bring me soup, crouch beside my hospital bed, and tell me, "I'm here." Whenever I picked her up from work, she would smile and introduce me to her coworkers. "My husband's here to pick me up." I thought that was what love looked like. It had never occurred to me that love could be faked, too. … The next day, I received confirmation that my application to go overseas with the violin ensemble had been approved. I was about to accept when Brianna texted me. "Harrison, I know I was out of line at the hospital yesterday. I've thought about it for a long time. Let's go get our marriage certificate." I froze. I had waited eight years to hear those words. And she had finally said them only after I'd decided to leave, but it was too late. A pounding came from the front door. I opened it and found Brianna standing there, her expression dark with anger. "Harrison, did you do this?" Leon stood behind her, his face frighteningly pale. "Harrison, I just want you to tell me the truth. Did you really post those photos online? Everyone's spreading rumors about me and Brianna now…" His voice was weak. "I never thought you'd actually suspect me and Brianna…" "Leon, who else could it have been?" Brianna was so distraught that she no longer cared about hiding anything. "Harrison, you got him so worked up that he had a heart attack, and he's still defending you! "Leon has always put you first. He even asked me to get a fake marriage certificate just to make you happy! "But what did you do? Just because I went to the hospital with him, you pushed him so far that he had a heart attack! The doctor said another shock could kill him!" She was so agitated that she didn't even realize her nails had dug into my arm hard enough to draw blood. I didn't struggle. I simply looked at her calmly. "Brianna, when you said we should get our marriage certificate, was that a lie?" She froze and slowly released me. Her eyes flickered with panic when she saw the deep marks her nails had left on my arm, but anger quickly swallowed it. "Now that things have come this far, there's no point hiding it anymore. Yes! Leon and I have been married for a long time. We've been hiding it from you and lying to you all along! And I'm pregnant with Leon's child! Are you happy now?" She pointed at me, hatred burning in her eyes. "But even so, that doesn't give you a reason to hurt Leon!" Leon hurriedly grabbed her. "Brianna, stop!" He shook his head repeatedly. "I'm fine. Harrison is the best friend I've ever had." Brianna's eyes reddened, her fury barely contained. … The next second, my parents burst through the door. "Harrison, didn't we explain everything to you at the last wedding? How could you still do something like this?" I stared at the blame in their eyes, momentarily dazed. Leon's father had once risked his life to save my parents, so they adopted Leon. From that day on, they always checked on Leon before they checked on me. Whenever they bought something for me, they'd get something for Leon first. But I had never imagined that when it came to choosing a wife, I would still be the one who came second. "You already knew?" Brianna came to her senses and stared at me, the words seeming to catch in her throat. Chapter 4 Forgiveness "Harrison, you knew all along! You just pretended you didn't so you could get back at me and Leon, didn't you?" Brianna was breathing hard, her eyes bloodshot. "It was you! You ruined Leon! If anything happens to him, I'll never let you get away with it!" I pressed my lips together and met her accusation head-on. "It wasn't me." "Harrison, why have you become like this?" Leon grabbed my shoulder, just as he had countless times when we were kids, rushing to my side and helping me fight off the people who bullied me. But this time, his hand was ice-cold. "I know Brianna and I have wronged you, but I couldn't control how I felt. I know I shouldn't have kept it from you and secretly gotten together with her. That was my fault. I admit it." With every word, the guilt in his eyes deepened. "Harrison, if you'll forgive me, I'll get on my knees and beg you." Then, with a heavy thud, he dropped to his knees in front of me. Brianna hurriedly bent down to pull him up, but he wouldn't budge. "Leon, you're still so weak. Get up…" Her eyes were rimmed with red as she looked at me. "Harrison, make Leon get up. Isn't he your best friend? I was wrong. I didn't understand my own feelings. It was only after I got together with you that I realized Leon was the one I truly loved. If you're angry, take it out on me!" As she spoke, she suddenly dropped to her knees beside him. "If you won't let him get up, then I'll kneel with him!" I looked at her without stopping her. My parents tried to mediate from the side. "Harrison, let it go. Leon and Brianna have already done more than enough for you. They've given you everything they were supposed to all these years!" "That's right. You need to let it go. They've already more than made up for what they did." Every word pierced my ears and sank deep into my heart. I said nothing. I simply pried their fingers loose from mine, one by one. Leon grew even more frantic and wrapped both arms around my legs, his whole body trembling. "Harrison, I don't blame you. If I really die from this illness someday, perhaps that's just karma. We promised we'd be best friends for life. Please, I'm begging you. Forgive me…" I took a deep breath, forcing back the tears that had been building for days. I couldn't hold back and shouted, "Let go of me!" "Harrison, why are you yelling at Leon?" Brianna snapped furiously, her fingernails digging into the back of my hand and leaving a bloody scratch. "I told you, take it out on me!" she cried out as she got to her feet, then helped Leon up. "Leon has been living in fear every day because he was afraid you'd find out! He's suffered enough! Even if we were wrong, you caused Leon's illness to flare up. You still owe him an apology!" Her face was flushed from shouting. Leon turned his head away, his face full of hurt. I stared at Brianna in disbelief. "I did nothing wrong. Why should I apologize? Brianna, I told you. I didn't do this." She didn't answer, but the sharpness in her eyes said everything. I couldn't help laughing again. I was just about to say something when Leon caught sight of the overseas application on my screen and gasped. "Harrison, you're going abroad? Is it because of me?" He lunged toward me, starting to drop to his knees again. "Harrison, I was wrong…" When I didn't react, he suddenly got up and rushed toward the computer, trying to cancel the application. I instinctively stepped forward to stop him. Brianna hurried after him and shoved me aside. My body slammed into the corner of the desk, sending a sharp pain through me. Brianna grabbed Leon, but as he struggled against her, he snatched up the small kitchen knife from the desk. He held it against his throat. "Harrison, this is what I owe you. If you're leaving because of me, I'll kill myself!" She panicked and hurried to snatch the knife from his hand. When she looked at me with her bloodshot eyes, there was nothing but hatred in them. "Harrison! Won't you be satisfied until you drive Leon to his death?" I gave a bitter smile, but before I could react, someone slammed into me. A dull impact sounded, followed by a sharp pain ripping through my abdomen. Brianna's face went deathly pale.